Do nice guys get the girl?

The thing that is interesting The Fat Lady today is the way men and women view relationships. In fact the bit that currently has my attention is the way that the two genders react to rejection. Now I’m making a huge generalization based on my own personal experiences and the people I’ve met. As chance would have it my children, The Fat Lady knows A LOT of male geeks. Some of them are probably even nerds. There are a few that still live under rocks and try to limit themselves to communication via morse code and MMORPGs. I also know and have known a fair number of young women (some of them are geeks too); in fact I may have been a young woman myself at some point in the past.

 Now, when a young woman enters into a relationship or starts looking for a relationship to enter into. Sometimes she experiences rejection. This often happens more than once. And there will come a time when she makes the following statement (or some derivative thereof). “What is so wrong with me that I can’t get a man to love me?” In many cases this boils down to a question of how attractive she thinks she is. She starts considering what can be done to make a woman look more attractive to prospective mates. If she’s rejected, does that mean she’s not attractive enough? Most wearers of lady bits seem to believe it’s so and the media feeds this idea at every turn. It’s a bit sad really. You may find it hard to believe but looks are not anywhere as important as a shared world-view and a good sense of humour.

Now moving onto the male of the species. The following seems to occur alarmingly often in the subset of men living the geek life. When those lovely gents suffer the agonies of rejection, what is often heard is: “Girls only go for douchbags, I’m too nice a guy to get a girlfriend”. This isn’t just limited to people I’ve met; a few minutes online will confirm that this is a reasonably common idea. Just try googling “girls never go for nice guys”.

THIS makes me SCREAM! Isn’t it interesting my little fruitcakes that when a prospective relationship doesn’t work out, EVERYONE involved blames the party of the female part (or possibly parts). She thinks there is something wrong with her because otherwise she would get a man to stay by her side longer than it takes to whip off the condom and have a quick cuddle. He thinks there is something wrong with her because she’s not into HIM.

 Ladies, I’m here to announce that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You may be tall or short, thin or fat, bitchy and unpleasant or quiet and serene. You may have tattoos and a nose piercing. You may indulge in many sexual encounters; you may be waiting for “the one” (he doesn’t exist btw so good luck with that). The truth is that he just might not be all that into you. You might not be his type. He might have tried a date or two and discovered that you are just not someone he can talk to. Or that the sex wasn’t what he wanted (not bad, just not what he was into). Or that you have an annoying habit of scratching his ears that he just can’t stand and is too polite to say so. It doesn’t matter! There are lots of good reasons for people not being able to connect that don’t actually have that much to do with your physical attractiveness. So, stop dieting or buying anti-wrinkle creams or doing Pilates or whatever! Unless these are things you are doing for YOURself because they make YOU feel good. The Fat Lady often neglects to wear makeup to work but lays it on with a trowel before washing the dishes all alone. The makeup makes me feel good. If someone else finds it nice to look at and I’ve somehow brightened their day, I’m pleased for them. But, if it does nothing for you, I don’t care! It wasn’t for you anyway. It was for me. It certainly wasn’t for the dishes!

 Now thinking about the parties of the male parts. Gentlemen, read the above because it works for you too. Maybe there is nothing wrong with her. Maybe she’s just NOT INTO YOU. Sorry about that. This has nothing to do with you being a nice guy. In fact if you are sitting there blaming some female for having the audacity to not be into YOU, you’re actually a bit of an arsehole thus proving the fallacy of your argument. It is The Fat Lady’s opinion that the moment you even say the first word of a sentence condemning all women everywhere to partnering douchebags because they had the bad taste to turn you down….the very second that thought even enters your tiny brains…..you didn’t deserve her anyway. There is no woman who has ever done something so bad (even in a past life) that she should be condemned to a relationship with such a self piteous prick.

 The thing is, I find this kind of thinking in otherwise intelligent men to be somewhat disheartening. Take some responsibility for yourselves gentlemen. Again, try not to think about looks. Do you have a good sense of humour? Are you able to have a decent conversation with the lady in question? Everyone wants something nice to look at in the morning but sooner or later we are all old and wrinkly so there had better be something worth talking to when that happens. Something The Fat Lady considers important is that you can be respectful of your prospective partner. NOTE: Before you say that you are respectful of the women you meet, THINK….because if you are one of the unfortunate souls who is too “nice” to get the girl (see above), you just failed respect 101.

 And so ends my first rant post.

 TFL